The human connection
Being a trainer is a real privilege and it’s when I become incredibly present to the Three Principles in action. I notice when I feel angry, happy, excited, frustrated and all the other range of emotions that we are blessed to experience as humans. I might temporarily get pulled off track from my centre, but when I notice I can refocus.
There are times though when this ‘noticing’ becomes more vivid and vital. It is like falling through a fissure of humanity and being engulfed by compassion. It happened the other day. It wasn’t something I intentionally ‘did’; like many ‘insights’ it flashed like forked lightening, temporarily illuminating everything. Once seen, nothing had changed and yet everything was different.
A few months ago, we (myself and Stu) were with a group and the atmosphere was sluggish. This was the third and final day of our training; it was proving hard to ignite the group, there was tiredness in the air. One participant was particularly quiet and disengaged with the training and I noticed a variety feelings pass through my head, things like:
- Indignation: why didn’t she make more effort?
- Anger: was she deliberately being subversive?
- Curiosity: was she tired?
- Doubt: maybe I am no good as a trainer?
These thoughts floated through, like dandelion seeds on a summers day and I kept noticing without getting caught up in the drama they had the potential to create.
It all changed when the group engaged in an exercise and Stu turned to me quietly and said, “I think she’s scared.” The truth of his words struck me between the eyes. She was scared. Now, in an instant my mind cleared and a wave of compassion crashed over me.
As I think back to that moment I still recall the love and empathy I felt for that woman. For the rest of the day my whole experience shifted. She was responding in the same way and was still disengaged; the difference was me seeing clearly. I remembered this quote by Yogi Bhajan:
“If you are willing to look at another person’s behavior toward you as a reflection of the state of their relationship with themselves rather than a statement about your value as a person, then you will, over a period of time cease to react at all.”
From my new space of understanding I instinctively reached out to her, not from an intellectual place but from a deeper spiritual space, the space where we all connect at source.
I kept my eye on her during the day and became really present to the power of negative thinking; it was quite literally trapping her in fear.
At the very end of the day the head teacher listened to comments from the group and this lady shared a few words, it wasn’t much but she contributed. Afterwards I went up and acknowledged what she’d done. Apparently she NEVER speaks in public, this was the first time she’d done so in front of her peers.
Whilst it’s great to witness her courageously talking in front of a group the thing that I loved the most was that intense feeling of human compassion I had felt, it stirred me beyond words. On that particular day I got in touch with such a deep feeling of connection, it’s a feeling that still moves me when I think of it now.
About Liz Scott & Stuart Newberry
Liz Scott & Stu Newberry are Coaching Skills trainers and 3P practitioners. They help develop coaching cultures within schools and organisations. Liz & Stu use their understanding of the 3Ps within their training and are experiencing great successes and results in the organisations they are working in. Download an Introduction to the Three Principles here. Find out more about Liz & Stu at Liz Scott Coaching and Training