Hope beyond IVF
If you’re going through IVF I want to offer a message of hope.
It’s so easy to think that a hopeful message is one that involves a baby as a successful outcome. But that’s not the message of hope I’m offering. My message of hope is that there is life beyond the roller-coaster of IVF, even if you don’t conceive and you don’t have children.
Back in 2000 we realised that I couldn’t have children naturally. This started a cycle of IVF treatment and donor sperm. I went through 4 cycles of IVF and 3 cycles of donor sperm this finished in 2006. None of them resulted in a pregnancy.
During that time friends had a child, then another one .. and some of those children started school. I would live with the sickening fear of never becoming mum, the searing jealousy of watching other women have families and the desperate hope that one day it may be my turn.
During those years my focus was on getting pregnant. My life became very narrow. I tried hypnosis, meditation, acupuncture, reflexology – I gave up coffee and alcohol…. I tried everything to have a child.
Friends would try to keep my spirits up by saying it would happen one day. They would tell stories of their friends who had been successful with IVF, women who had children even though they had been told it would never happen and couples who gave up trying and then became pregnant.
The stories, though well meaning, weren’t welcome. They had no relevance in my journey to have a child. Those stories didn’t make me feel better.
When I was going through this rollercoaster journey I wanted to hear from women who been unsuccessful. Women who had faced their worst fear (no child) and had survived. I wanted to know that there was life beyond the cycle of IVF. I wanted to know I wouldn’t crumble in to despair if I never had a child.
I am on the other side of IVF. I didn’t have children and I want to reassure you (if you’re going through IVF) that life is rich and nourishing in its own way, even if you don’t have a child.
I didn’t choose this child-free journey. 15 years ago I didn’t even want to contemplate it as a possibility. But it has happened. It didn’t work for me.
When we turned our backs on IVF (and chose not to go down the adoption route). We started out on a journey in life that has proved to be rich and nourishing beyond measure. Life has unfolded in a wonderful way. I have a exceptional relationship, a rewarding job – I love my nephews like crazy – I have extraordinary step-children (and grand children) and I love the richness of life just as it is.
If you are going through IVF then please realise this. You might feel helpless and alone and life might look bleak, but every day you are tapping into a never-ending, deep well of resilience that is inside you.
You might not feel resilient. But it if you look closely you’ll see that it is there in abundance. The resilience that sees you through a round of injections, egg harvesting, embryo growing, embryo transfer and the negative pregnancy test – that resilience is built into your psychological system. Take a moment to look for it and you’ll see that you have extraordinary inner strength.
That resilience stays with you after IVF. It is always there. It will see you through the next part of your journey.
If you are going through IVF right at this moment… then please realise there is life on the other side. Sure it is different … but it is beautiful none the less.
The inner strength that has seen you through the journey so far, never leaves you. This inner strength will be with you as you create the next phase of your life, whatever that may be.
Believe me, there is a wonderful life on the other side of IVF.
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About Liz Scott & Stuart Newberry
Liz Scott & Stu Newberry are Coaching Skills trainers and 3P practitioners. They help develop coaching cultures within schools and organisations. Liz & Stu use their understanding of the 3Ps within their training and are experiencing great successes and results in the organisations they are working in. Download an Introduction to the Three Principles here.
Want to de-stress in just 28 days? Recharge on the Run is a FREE audio series (delivered to your inbox daily) that will help you discover your inner peace of mind. Find out more about Liz & Stu at Liz Scott Coaching and Training