Being human is messy

by | Jan 7, 2018 | Connecting Coaches | 0 comments

We’re not supposed to experience perpetual happiness

Being human is a messy business. Don’t believe anyone who tells you otherwise. If you think life is about striving for never-ending happiness then you’ve got it wrong. Trying to attain endless happiness is like longing for perpetual sunshine whilst living on the edge of Dartmoor. Life isn’t like that and if you’re waiting for continuous sunshine then you’re destined for disappointment. It’s taken me years to realise this.

We’re designed (as humans) to feel a rich tapestry of emotions; we’re supposed to have a varied life with highs, lows and everything else in between. For years I endlessly searched for happiness. Now I see things differently and it was brought into sharp focus on my first ever visit to a rugby match.

Exeter Chiefs were playing Leinster (from Dublin). We were standing beside opposition supporters (rugby supporters aren’t segregated) and the beer, quips and emotions flowed freely.

Around me the fans (from both sides) experienced frustration, joy, worry and elation. Hope and despair rushed in waves through the spectators as the two sides battled, skidded and fought for the ball.

I was an island of curiosity amongst a sea of emotion. The whole game was baffling. I couldn’t work out what was happening as it kept stopping and starting. The physicality of the men bashing into each other and kicking the ball up the pitch, before a bulldozer of bodies crashed together was puzzling, but very exciting to witness.

My brain buzzed with questions, but a quick glance around at the other fans showed they were engrossed in feelings of frustration, happiness and excitement. Everyone I watched was concentrating in his/her world with either furrowed brows or laughter and high spirits.

Everyone was somewhere on a spectrum of feelings, it was like we were all experiencing as many emotions are there were colours of the rainbow.

Every fan knew, at some level, that this was just a game. They were temporarily caught in the weather of their emotions but they ultimately knew that the sunshine and storms would pass.

If the fans were always destined to feel the same emotion, 100% of the time, then they would become bored. Imagine going to a rugby match where your team keeps scoring tries unopposed. It would soon become dull. Fans go to a match because they want to exercise their emotions, to feel the spectrum of feelings and to ultimately know, that when the final whistle sounds, nothing has ultimately changed about their lives. They are still OK.

It’s the same in life too. We’re designed to feel the whole gamut of emotions. Feeling happy 100% of the time doesn’t happen. Sometimes we feel anxious and worried (that’s normal) sometimes we feel joy and contentment (that’s normal too).

Trying to fight the storms of emotions is exhausting. When you realise that feelings, like the weather, come and go then you no longer feel compelled to battle them.

What I’ve noticed is that there is such a wonderful peace of mind that occurs when you understand the messy nature of being human and exploring the Three Principles is a way of getting in touch with how the human psychological system works.

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About Liz Scott & Stuart Newberry

Liz Scott & Stu Newberry are Coaching Skills trainers and 3P practitioners. They help develop coaching cultures within schools and organisations. Liz & Stu use their understanding of the 3Ps within their training and are experiencing great successes and results in the organisations they are working in. Download an Introduction to the Three Principles here.

Want to de-stress in just 28 days? Recharge on the Run is a FREE audio series (delivered to your inbox daily) that will help you discover your inner peace of mind. Find out more about Liz & Stu at Liz Scott Coaching and Training

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About Coaching Connect

The Coaching Connect website is the ‘virtual’ meeting place for coaches on the internet. Leadership coaches, Liz Scott and Stuart Newberry, originally developed Coaching Connect for the UK coaching community, but it has grown over the years to include coaches from all over the world.

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